"Where's the love?"

... which Chef Joseph translates as "needs salt and pepper." Well, we got a little closer to actually cooking today, and even stepped feet into the kitchen. But first, we had uniform training. The neckerchief ties just like a man's tie, with the ends tucked inside the coat. Pants need to be hemmed, not cuffed. (Cockroaches can jump into your cuffs and ride home with you. They are apparently very smart.) We must wear the entire uniform, including the apron, the side towel and the hat, whenever we are in the classroom. The apron is removed in the restroom. The hat is removed when we leave campus. The shoes are very comfortable.

We were casually inspected (no military line up) and it's true: no jewelry, though Chef Joseph will allow a watch. (I had to use windex yesterday to remove my engagement ring.) No makeup. No lipstick. No perfume. No nail polish. No nails long enough to see over the tips of your fingers. Hair longer than the collar must be tucked up inside the hat.

We are 15 in my class, 6 women, a man who admitted being 35 years old, about 10 kids within a year of high school graduation. Idaho, Iowa, Minnesota, San Diego. Several of us who are jumping-up-and-down excited to be here. A couple of young people who seem to be on the "seemed easier than a four year college" path. I was the only one to raise my hand when we were asked the significance of 32 degrees.

We spent some time on the beginning of the food safety book, and I was surprised at how much of our Chef's comments were CYA in nature. Reminds me of David's job, where much of what he does is aimed at lawsuit prevention. We were instructed that health and safety systems are put into place and rigorously maintained to serve as legal records, because "believe me, people are like that" — almost as if preventing sickness was beside the point. But, as Chef said, if you are a little careless in your home kitchen, and cause a bit of tummy distress, "no one will sue you, and put you out of business."

We learned that fresh melons are on the list of Potentially Hazardous Food, and that you should wash the rind before cutting into one. OK, I did not know that.

We took a tour of the kitchen, and were generally awestruck. Few of us have big restaurant or institutional kitchen experience, and the sight of 15 pairs of burners all in a row, with ovens underneath, makes the whole upcoming experience more tangible. There's a huge vat, a gas steam jacket kettle for making stock, and a covered smoker grill with a drawer for woodchips. Stacks and stacks of pots and pans. And long stainless steel tables, where we'll work.

We received all of our tools -- a hugely comprehensive supply (including seven spatulas, two scrapers, 13 knives) that Chef said should last a lifetime: "Hand these tools to your great great grandchild, when you are 110 yeas old and on your deathbed." And ten more books, including The Complete Wine Course, Professional Baking, The Inquisitive Cook, and The Book of Yields (Accuracy in Food Costing and Purchasing). And a calculator. And a thermometer. And a box of disposable latex gloves.

Tonight, we need to mark all of our tools with a personal identification. Nail polish does have its uses in the kitchen. In addition to chapters two and three in ServSafe, we are to read chapters one, three, and seven in Professional Cooking. Tomorrow, we bring some knives, our sharpening steel, and a peeler. We will be learning knife skills: julienne, batonnet (aka "french fry"), brunoise, and small dice.

Also: we need to know that there are 128 ounces in a gallon.

And I did get my haircut. Thank you, Tom, for emergency service.