David Chomsky (looking like a clean-shaven Paul Giamatti), is wearing a wild tie patterned like the lightshow gels that were projected during high school rock concerts ("in my era." Do I need to add that?), and his arms are waving wildly as well. He's the Dean of Educational Services at the CCA, and he's the morning's keynote speaker, more or less, his topic being "what I wish people told me before I started the program."

For instance: This is an accelerated program. That means that two weeks is equivalent to a semester. That means that next Wednesday (it's a short week because of Thanksgiving), we'll be taking the ServSafe exam, a nationally recognized certification that we must pass with a score of at least 70%. We'll be quizzed tomorrow morning on Chapters 1 (Providing Safe Food) and 4 (The Safe Foodhandler).

For instance: Don't worry about your job prospects. There are more offers than there are graduates to fill them.

For instance: If you have a dream about your future, let it go. You most likely did not set the bar high enough. Dreams such as "be an executive chef" or "own my own restaurant" are usually achieved within three to five years of completion of the program.

For instance: You are here by yourself. Don't worry about making friends. Don't worry about anybody else. Be completely selfish with your time. When you leave here, all you take with you is what you know. Don't care about what other people think about you.

For instance: Everybody here is a good cook. Everyone has had someone rave. "This is not a place to show how good you are." There will be no panel of judges. No one will be sent home at the end of the day.

For instance: "You are paying a lot of money. Ask the questions." The first six weeks are especially hard for people who've been working in the industry. They hear things they know, tune out, and miss things they don't know. Take good notes, "especially in classes you hate."

The executive chef, jolly and animated, encouraged us to “tighten up your belts and get ready for the ride of your life.” Then he assigned homework.

We had ID photos taken, filled out some more paperwork, listened to staff members give advice and offer opportunities (for counseling, part-time work, tutoring). Most of the speakers emphasized good study habits and regular attendance, and I was reminded again that many of my fellow students are coming out of high school.

I'm not totally alone, though. Pat washed her hands in the ladies restroom as I tried on my uniform, double-checking the fit. She's got curly grey hair and a face that crumpled into worry lines as she looked in the mirror. "Are you excited?" I asked. "Yes, and a bit apprehensive," she said. She's been working for the federal government until she "couldn't answer the same question again, one more time." She's got afternoon classes, so we may not run into each other again. We exchanged good luck wishes, and she headed out the door, then paused, and said, "I was very glad to see another mature face." I guess I'm not fooling anybody.

I brought home some of my stuff: five each of the white coats, embroidered with the lacy CCA logo; black & white checkered pants; triangular neckerchiefs; ankle length aprons; terrycloth side towels; and white cotton pill-box style hats. And shoes, very fashion-forward. We must provide our own socks, black or white. We got nametags (three). We got 10 pounds of books (two: the ServSafe Coursebook and Professional Cooking). Tomorrow, we’re instructed to “travel light”, as we’ll be receiving tools and “another thirty pounds of books”. I love books.

Until the end of the year, I’ll have my classes at the South Campus, which is on Rhode Island Street near the Design Center. From 7am to 9:30, I’ll have two weeks of Safety & Sanitation, then two weeks of Food Science, then two weeks of Nutrition. From 9:30 until noon, it’s Basic Skills Lab. I’ve got two weeks off at Christmas, then three weeks of Butchery, followed by three weeks of Garde Manger (cold appetizers). That’s my first quarter.

So now, I’ve got two loads of uniform laundry to wash and iron, and pants to hem. The instructions for ironing and folding the neckerchief run three pages long. Then there’s homework, and dinner (lentils with peppers and smoked pork) and maybe I'll watch some Studio 60. But the alarm will be going off tomorrow at 5:30am, for the first time, and from now on.

I'll be finished with the program on Friday, February 1, 2008.

I'm thinking about having my hair cut short.